Discovering what matters to you in this chapter of life.
One of the challenges of aging can be figuring out what gives life meaning when familiar roles and routines change. Perhaps retirement has left you with more time than you expected. Maybe you've lost someone who made everyday life feel meaningful, or your health has changed what you're able to do. You might be wondering how to make new friends, reconnect with old interests, or find a sense of purpose in this chapter of life.
When so much changes, it can be difficult to imagine what comes next. You may know what used to make you happy but feel uncertain about whether those things still fit your life. You might want more companionship but feel unsure of where to begin, or you may be tired of being told to find a hobby when what you're really missing is a person, a sense of belonging, or the feeling that your presence matters.
You don't have to answer all those questions at once. Finding purpose could be as easy as letting yourself truly enjoy what you are doing. If you are watching a show, enjoy the time watching the show, you don’t need to “do” anything. It could also be in exploring a hobby, spending more time with people you care about, volunteering, sharing your knowledge with younger generations, or discovering something you've always wanted to try. If doing motivates you then enjoy doing these things. It might also mean giving yourself permission to rest and grieve before you're ready to make any changes. There isn't one right way to grow older, and you don't have to measure your life against anyone else's expectations.
Sometimes, finding meaning begins with a simple question: What matters to me now? Your answer may be different from what it was ten or twenty years ago. You may value quiet time more than you once did, want to deepen a few important relationships, or discover that you have something new to contribute to your community. You might find meaning in small, ordinary moments rather than big goals. That isn't a failure. It's part of being human. Here is a link to a card sort that helps you figure out your current values. It walks you through an online tool that helps you sort through the value words that guide your life. Give it a try! https://myvaluescardsort.com/how-to
It can help to start small. Is there someone you'd like to reconnect with, or an interest you've put aside? Is there a place where you feel comfortable being yourself? What gives you a sense of connection, curiosity, or peace, even briefly? You don't have to turn every answer into a project or fill every hour of your day. It is important to make room for what feels meaningful to you not just to stay busy doing things.
You already know that you may not be able to change every circumstance, but you can still explore the possibilities that remain. Sometimes, purpose isn't something you find all at once. It develops through small choices, relationships, and experiences that help you feel connected to your life. As you age stay as connected as you can to what is important to you.
In Part 4, we'll talk about resilience and why being strong doesn't mean handling every difficult experience on your own.
Coming soon: Part 4: Resilience Doesn't Mean You Have to Be Strong All the Time.
Link back to Part 2: https://www.eversteadcounseling.com/blog/part-2-you-are-more-than-what-youve-lost
Author Bio
Erin Davenport is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate with Everstead Counseling, PLLC. She offers a warm, relational approach to counseling, helping clients navigate anxiety, grief, life transitions, and questions of identity and purpose. Her interests include supporting older adults as they navigate the challenges and possibilities of later life.
