Have you ever wondered what your counselor is really thinking? Or what’s going on behind all those thoughtful questions?
Maybe you appreciate it when your counselor laughs with you, shares a little of their experience, or lets you see that something you said genuinely moved them. It feels good to know there’s a real person sitting across from you.
Or maybe those moments feel uncomfortable. You'd rather keep the focus on you. And what about the opposite? Have you ever wished your counselor would open a little more, be more direct, or let you know what they're thinking?
What does it mean when a counselor is relational?
A relational approach recognizes that the therapeutic relationship itself matters. It should make room for trust, honest feedback, and conversations about what's working and what isn't.
Counselors are human, too. But counseling isn't a friendship, and you shouldn't have to manage your counselor's feelings, reassure them, or make room for their personal needs. In fact, the American Counseling Association's Code of Ethics emphasizes client welfare and avoiding harm. Your counselor's humanity doesn't change the fact that therapy should center on you.
There's no magic formula for how much a counselor should share. Some people feel comfortable with warmth, humor, and openness. Others prefer clear boundaries and less personal sharing.
You can want your counselor to feel like a real person without wanting to know about their personal life. You can appreciate professional boundaries and still want a genuine connection.
Both things can be true.
Are you allowed to ask for what you need?
Maybe you've never considered telling your counselor that you'd like more warmth, less personal sharing, or a different approach. Perhaps you worry about hurting their feelings or being a difficult client.
But you don't have to pretend a particular style works for you when it doesn't. Your preferences matter, and you should be able to discuss them without feeling responsible for your counselor's reaction.
Your counselor won't always get it right. What matters is whether there's room to acknowledge that and work through it together.
You don't have to choose between a counselor who feels human and one who respects your boundaries. You can want both.
Ethical reference: American Counseling Association Code of Ethics (2014), Sections A.1.a, A.4.a, and A.4.b. Verify the applicable current code before publication.
